What is Love?

The word love is often used, but is it really understood? How does one love well? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a says, “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…”

How well do you love yourself? To love others well you have to first love yourself well. Matthew 22:39b says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” To love well is described in the following paragraphs.

Patience is defined as the capacity to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. This is not easy to achieve in this fast paced world. As stress levels rise impatience also increases. How can one begin to counteract this effect? A simple method is daily mini vacations. Sprinkling mini vacations throughout the day can lower stress, increase energy, and improve mental clarity. My mini vacations look like this: at home when doing housework I will take a break to do some gardening or visit a neighbor; at work, between clients, I’ll take a short exercise break, which might be a few minutes of stretching and push ups, or I’ll review my encouraging quotes notebook; while driving I will implement deep breathing, pray, or listen to classical music.

Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Here are some simple ways to extend kindness throughout the day: hold the door open for someone, smile, give a compliment, put up the grocery cart, give a hug, wave to a neighbor, give the gift of listening, or thank someone for their service.

Jealousy is feeling envious of someone else. This is a state of dissatisfaction with oneself and coveting what someone has. 1 John 2:15 says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him.” People are bombarded with worldly messages of what defines beauty and success. This can lead to comparing oneself with others, which can lead to personal dissatisfaction. If someone struggles with an inadequate sense of self it can be rooted in childhood. If this is the case it takes time to confront faulty beliefs, and reprogram the mind with truth.

To boast means to talk with excessive pride about one’s achievements, possessions, or abilities. Boasting could be considered the cousin of jealousy. Jealousy is something felt based on comparison, while boasting is a behavior, perhaps attempting to compensate for an inadequate sense of self.

Arrogance is having an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility count others better than yourselves.” Arrogance results when one thinks of themselves as better than another in importance or abilities. While everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses no one has more worth and value than another. Each person is uniquely created by God in His image and likeness; therefore, worth and value is innate.

Rude is defined as ill-mannered. A lot can be learned from the poem, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum.

Love does not insist on its own way. The art of communication is an important skill few are taught. Learning communication skills can go a long way in negotiating with others.

To resent is to feel bitterness. When anger or hurt is not properly processed it can result in resentment, which eats away at the person maintaining it. If one finds themselves in a downward spiral of resentment seeking help is warranted.

Love does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. God’s truth is the anchor that keeps one afloat in a tumultuous world. John 15:19 says, “If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” To love well means we do not condone sinful behavior, and we stand up for the truth.

To love well, therefore, means to have an awareness of the virtues that define love, as well as working towards enacting these virtues. Happy Valentine’s Day!